PASTORS' WIVES
Millions of years ago when dinosaurs roamed the earth, American Idol had not been thought of and Gill and I were just dating, we had a particularly emotional discussion as we walked together along the banks of the River Exe in my home town one sultry summer evening.
I was still in Bible School and was looking forward to graduating and searching for a church dumb enough to take me on as its pastor. We planned to marry later that year and would then embark on this new adventure together. But suddenly everything was apparently torpedoed with a single sentence, "I don't want to be a pastor's wife."
I had a pretty good idea of where she was coming from as we talked about the roles played by the spouses of pastors we knew. We had observed that -
1. Pastors' wives tend to come in at number 101, 201, 501, 1001, etc., in their husband's order of priorities, depending on the size of the church.
2. Pastors' wives are expected to be unpaid assistants to their husbands in all that they do.
3. Regardless of what other responsibilities they have, pastors' wives are expected to be at every single church function, organize women's events, counsel whoever, even substitute for their husbands. Of course if they lead worship, teach children's church and visit the seniors that is doing no more than what is expected of them.
4. Nowadays on Long Island, it seems automatic that if your husband is a pastor, you take the title too - Pastors John and Jane Doe! What nonsense! Marrying a pastor doesn't automatically make you an Ephesians 4 gift of a pastor and no one should try to squeeze a woman into that role. That's one reason why I meet so many unhappy pastors' wives - attempting to be what they are not and feeling a failure because they aren't Paula White.
We settled that issue on the banks of the Exe when I told Gill to forget about being a pastor's wife and just be my wife. She has been that for over 36 years and has also been the best wife any pastor could have.
By the way, she's my Supercool Person Of The Week too!
I was still in Bible School and was looking forward to graduating and searching for a church dumb enough to take me on as its pastor. We planned to marry later that year and would then embark on this new adventure together. But suddenly everything was apparently torpedoed with a single sentence, "I don't want to be a pastor's wife."
I had a pretty good idea of where she was coming from as we talked about the roles played by the spouses of pastors we knew. We had observed that -
1. Pastors' wives tend to come in at number 101, 201, 501, 1001, etc., in their husband's order of priorities, depending on the size of the church.
2. Pastors' wives are expected to be unpaid assistants to their husbands in all that they do.
3. Regardless of what other responsibilities they have, pastors' wives are expected to be at every single church function, organize women's events, counsel whoever, even substitute for their husbands. Of course if they lead worship, teach children's church and visit the seniors that is doing no more than what is expected of them.
4. Nowadays on Long Island, it seems automatic that if your husband is a pastor, you take the title too - Pastors John and Jane Doe! What nonsense! Marrying a pastor doesn't automatically make you an Ephesians 4 gift of a pastor and no one should try to squeeze a woman into that role. That's one reason why I meet so many unhappy pastors' wives - attempting to be what they are not and feeling a failure because they aren't Paula White.
We settled that issue on the banks of the Exe when I told Gill to forget about being a pastor's wife and just be my wife. She has been that for over 36 years and has also been the best wife any pastor could have.
By the way, she's my Supercool Person Of The Week too!
posted by Roger Blackmore | 10:46 AM
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